Have you ever wondered what the word Courage really meant? Courage can be used in many ways…a person may have courage or be courageous. It is many times referred to when someone goes to battle, they show courage. The word Courage is defined as “also known as bravery, intrepidity, and loyalty. It is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty or intimidation” Did you also know that there are two types of courage, physical and moral. Physical courage is to endure physical pain, hardship and the threat of death. Moral courage is to “act rightly even in the face of popular shame.” Sounds like common sense, right? Can you think of someone that shows courage in a certain area of their life? I have been thinking a lot about this word. You see I took a wonderful life changing trip to BC, Canada with my dad in October (which I will tell about later) but while we were there I thought a lot about courage. I learned to confront many fears like sleeping in the woods with wolves and bears, not taking showers and killing huge animals! We also received some bad news while we were there. My sweet Pawpaw found out that he had lymphoma. The doctors were very positive and felt with treatments he would be fine. Today we received more alarming news. My Grandpa now also has bone cancer. When I found this out tears came to my eyes and my heart hurt for him. Have you ever felt that way before? Has your heart ever felt pain for someone else’s pain? Hearing this news I know my God is capable of healing. I know He has the power to do anything. I know that to endure something like cancer it takes a completely different kind of courage. I also have realized through circumstances in my own life that God my Savior is the provider of courage. He is the peace giver, the strength we are in such need of. Courage is defined as “the ability to confront fear” You see the fear is not absent, because it must be confronted, faced and endured. Beth Moore describes courage as “not the absence of fear but that something so much more important is at stake”! This is so true! I can think of so many more things important than “fear”. I tend to fear so many things that I know I shouldn’t. If I were honest with myself my greatest fear is probably the unknowns about death. Someone once said “Are we going to die 100 deaths dreading the 1?” I know that God is in control and He holds our life in his hands; but I know that I’m not the only one that sometimes wants to say “Okay God we need to have a talk! Can I just get a simple break down here? I know you’re in charge but can you give me a chance to handle one thing at a time?” Sadly I feel that way more than I should; however, I must realize that in all of this what appears as chaos to me, God is working His master plan. I know that we all seem to be searching for our destiny’s, our perfect fulfilling life, but have you ever realized when our destiny’s become realities they never make us feel like we think they will? It seems when we get headed in one direction God all of a sudden uses some sort of crisis to change our direction! It seems so hard when God pulls us out and sets us on a new track in a new direction. It takes courage to confront the fear of what may wait ahead for us. Can you imagine living without fear? I have been studying Esther a lot, and I have discovered I would love to have her courage! I pray that I have the strength God provides and will be able to come to the point in my life that I can honestly say “If I perish, I perish” How courageous! I don’t believe one minute that in all of that time Esther did not have fear, but she had courage and realized something so much more important than her fear or even her own life was at stake! In saying all of this I pray for each person that may read this. I know that at one point in life or another we all are going to need the courage God provides to get through this journey. Things happen in life and someone may need Physical Courage like my Grandpa to endure cancer; or moral courage to stand up when things are hard and doing what is right is not easy at all! When we have courage through God we can get through and endure the most difficult times in our lives; (I PROMISE!), we can accomplish goals we never thought were possible. Through a study I have been doing I have realized that our destiny is not complete until God takes the earth at the very end. This proves that we need to pray everyday of our lives to push back the fear, stand firm and have courage because something so much more important than fear is at stake, and that is, eternal life! Have a blessed day!
Love Les
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Funeral Letter from Leslie
This is the letter I wrote for my husband (Justin Bedsole) and brother (Allen West) funeral. The accident happened on May 30, 2008, and The funeral was held on June 3, 2008. I am once again amazed by our gracious Lord. The words of this letter I feel are God given. When I was weak and had no words, he gave me strength and wrote his words in my heart. I pray this letter reaches in your heart and portrays how we can still have Faith, that God knows what He is doing even when it makes no sense to us; Hope, that through our most troubled times God is working everything out and He still has a plan for our lives; and Love, when we feel we have nothing left to offer....
Funeral letter from Leslie
In these times of heart ach and sadness, I cannot comprehend how a non Christian could get from one day to the next. When me and my brother were playing in the woods, going hunting together and making up silly songs, I never would have believed something like this could happen to my family and I. He loved life and loved people. Most of all he loved God. I remember the day I truly believe Allen fell in love with Jessica. He called me and I could hear it in his voice as he shared his feelings about her to me. They have a wonderful amazing love story. His feelings for Jessica were feeling of true happiness, passion and love.
When we least expect things, God does a little something to make us realize he is still there and in control. When I look back on Justin and Allen’s lives I now can almost see the picture beginning to unfold. I am reminded of ALL the things God allowed to happen; and though I do not like it and will always wonder why He chose to do it like this, I know everything is all a part of a wonderful plan.
On November 13, 1986 a wonderful boy was brought into this world and at that time God knew what he would face in life, and that time he knew that he would surrender his life to Him. In all of this he blessed Justin with wonderful parents to help guide him, and also parents that He knew would be strong enough to endure this tragedy. He knew that these parents would not turn their backs on Him, but would thank him for having him the time they did. God instilled in Justin love, hard work, and most of all a heart that could be molded. Justin like Allen was dedicated in this very church, Pathway. Little did these wonderful sets of parents realize when they gave their sons back to God and said “you gave him to me, now I give him back to you” that God would use them to change and impact thousands of lives. In all of this turmoil and sadness it its such an amazing peace I have because I know they are Gods children.
When Justin and I went on our first date it was amazing and I just knew he was special. He had the most amazing heart, and I soon realized he was everything I could ever want in a man. He was the most honest person I have ever met. He clicked with my family, and I always knew when it was the right person, everything was going to be perfect and it was. We dated a few more years and when he decided to pop the question I remember he called my dad and said “Mr. Gary we need to talk” my dad got off the phone and said “Leslie do you know what he wants to talk to me about? If he asks me to marry you do you want me to say yes or no?” I said “Yes, I know he is the one… you told me to find a man that worked hard, loved me and most of all loved God, what more could I want?” We were engaged on May 26, 2007, and we were married on March 15, 2008. I remember when we began to help with the youth, Justin started feeling this amazing call on his life. I can not begin to describe the feelings I felt when he would say “Leslie I keep reading the Bible and trying to figures out what it is and I just don’t know, and it scares me.” God was tugging at his heart. I remember him telling me “I just keep praying that God will close doors that need to be closed and open doors that need to be opened. It was almost a year ago when I finally remember Justin telling me he knew God wanted him in the ministry, and he said “I have given it ALL over to God and I told Him I would do WHATEVER, He needed me to do.” But he was so scared of what he was going to have to do. See he knew it was something special, something he could not comprehend or understand, but he was willing to do what he had to.
I never could have imagined such a tragedy. I will never forget our time together. I am so blessed and honored to marry Justin. He was the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for. When Justin prayed “God use me, close doors and open doors” He never would have believed this was the way he was going to have to do it. God our wonderful Father closed this door here on earth for all to see and witness but then he opened a door beyond all comprehension for Justin and Allen to walk through. Justin did not realize this was what God was trying to get him to and this is how he was going to be used. I know that is he knew the influence and way people have changed their lives; he and Allen both would do it all over again. One of my favorite quotes is “A True Love Story has no Ending” the last place Justin and I traveled to together was paradise on earth and I can not explain the excitement I feel when I thing about walking the streets of gold to see him in our one true paradise. He was so wonderful to me, the best husband I could have ever asked for. I never knew it was possible to love someone the way I love him. Every time I want them to come back to me it's like God says “but Leslie they are so happy now!” and that makes me smile a smile I did not even know was there.
In love that only our Lord and Savior can understand,
Leslie
In these times of heart ach and sadness, I cannot comprehend how a non Christian could get from one day to the next. When me and my brother were playing in the woods, going hunting together and making up silly songs, I never would have believed something like this could happen to my family and I. He loved life and loved people. Most of all he loved God. I remember the day I truly believe Allen fell in love with Jessica. He called me and I could hear it in his voice as he shared his feelings about her to me. They have a wonderful amazing love story. His feelings for Jessica were feeling of true happiness, passion and love.
When we least expect things, God does a little something to make us realize he is still there and in control. When I look back on Justin and Allen’s lives I now can almost see the picture beginning to unfold. I am reminded of ALL the things God allowed to happen; and though I do not like it and will always wonder why He chose to do it like this, I know everything is all a part of a wonderful plan.
On November 13, 1986 a wonderful boy was brought into this world and at that time God knew what he would face in life, and that time he knew that he would surrender his life to Him. In all of this he blessed Justin with wonderful parents to help guide him, and also parents that He knew would be strong enough to endure this tragedy. He knew that these parents would not turn their backs on Him, but would thank him for having him the time they did. God instilled in Justin love, hard work, and most of all a heart that could be molded. Justin like Allen was dedicated in this very church, Pathway. Little did these wonderful sets of parents realize when they gave their sons back to God and said “you gave him to me, now I give him back to you” that God would use them to change and impact thousands of lives. In all of this turmoil and sadness it its such an amazing peace I have because I know they are Gods children.
When Justin and I went on our first date it was amazing and I just knew he was special. He had the most amazing heart, and I soon realized he was everything I could ever want in a man. He was the most honest person I have ever met. He clicked with my family, and I always knew when it was the right person, everything was going to be perfect and it was. We dated a few more years and when he decided to pop the question I remember he called my dad and said “Mr. Gary we need to talk” my dad got off the phone and said “Leslie do you know what he wants to talk to me about? If he asks me to marry you do you want me to say yes or no?” I said “Yes, I know he is the one… you told me to find a man that worked hard, loved me and most of all loved God, what more could I want?” We were engaged on May 26, 2007, and we were married on March 15, 2008. I remember when we began to help with the youth, Justin started feeling this amazing call on his life. I can not begin to describe the feelings I felt when he would say “Leslie I keep reading the Bible and trying to figures out what it is and I just don’t know, and it scares me.” God was tugging at his heart. I remember him telling me “I just keep praying that God will close doors that need to be closed and open doors that need to be opened. It was almost a year ago when I finally remember Justin telling me he knew God wanted him in the ministry, and he said “I have given it ALL over to God and I told Him I would do WHATEVER, He needed me to do.” But he was so scared of what he was going to have to do. See he knew it was something special, something he could not comprehend or understand, but he was willing to do what he had to.
I never could have imagined such a tragedy. I will never forget our time together. I am so blessed and honored to marry Justin. He was the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for. When Justin prayed “God use me, close doors and open doors” He never would have believed this was the way he was going to have to do it. God our wonderful Father closed this door here on earth for all to see and witness but then he opened a door beyond all comprehension for Justin and Allen to walk through. Justin did not realize this was what God was trying to get him to and this is how he was going to be used. I know that is he knew the influence and way people have changed their lives; he and Allen both would do it all over again. One of my favorite quotes is “A True Love Story has no Ending” the last place Justin and I traveled to together was paradise on earth and I can not explain the excitement I feel when I thing about walking the streets of gold to see him in our one true paradise. He was so wonderful to me, the best husband I could have ever asked for. I never knew it was possible to love someone the way I love him. Every time I want them to come back to me it's like God says “but Leslie they are so happy now!” and that makes me smile a smile I did not even know was there.
In love that only our Lord and Savior can understand,
Leslie
Monday, August 10, 2009
Bahamas Mission Trip
July 18th rolled around and it was time for the mission trip to the Bahamas! My heart is in mission work so I was so excited. We drove down to Orlando, Fl, ate at the Rainforest Café and spent the night. We got up the next morning and headed for the airport. The trip was not at all what I was thinking but it was great! We stayed in cabins that we thought were so cute from the outside, but was a bunk house with roaches every where on the inside! Sick I know. That is nothing compared to the bathrooms we used. It’s sad to say but these may have been the nastiest restrooms I have ever had to use on a daily basis, and I have been to Africa, Guatemala and Costa Rica. These restrooms were filthy and the water smelled like rotten eggs! Did I mention we had no air condition at all and the heat index one day was a sweltering 123 degrees! Okay enough of all of that, because honestly I don’t mind things like that. I would rather rough it on a mission trip personally. Just wanted you all to be able to visualize and get the mind set we were in.
We did a VBS and worked on a Church. The first day was a little crazy and the kids were pretty whelmed up to say the least. The next day we did VBS the kids responded great! We painted the outside of the church and bonded with the kids. This was the first trip I have ever been on where I could actually speak their language. I have a huge, special place in my heart for children maybe that’s why my degree is in elementary education! I have a heart for all kids and when I see one that is causing problems I like to try to find the good in them and bring that out. There was one little boy who was bothering a lot of the people while they were working, so I pulled him aside and said “Would you like to be my special helper?” he said “Oh Yeah!” with a big smile.. He followed me around with paint and a rag. He would wipe the paint that fell on the tile, for me and loved it! He felt important, he had a purpose, a job. He and I bonded and talked a lot. He was about 8 years old. He told me he had a lot of brothers and sisters.. then he told me his mother had a baby that came out dead! That’s how he said it. My heart immediately broke, because I know what it feels like to lose a sibling. This little boy ended up pouring out his little heart to me and telling me how his mother was sad. The next day I decided to let these little girls “plat my hair” this mean tiny braids that are all knotted up, that hurt like crazy!! Meanwhile, while this girl was braiding my hair she began to tell me how her sister died at the age of nine. Again I knew her pain… I told her about my brother and how he died. She said “oh girl, I’m so sorry” She may have been 11 years old. It’s funny how just when we think God is picking on us we encounter things like this. I many times feel like God decided to hurt “me” and “my family” then when I get out of my bubble I’m reminded that death is a part of life. My heart breaks for the mother who never got to hold her new born baby for a moment of its life here on earth. After a few days of moments like these the last day of VBS was my day to teach. I taught on Salvation. It was also my 16 yr old cousin, Ethan’s day to give his testimony and what a testimony he had! First of all I have to say Ethan is a great, handsome, young, Christian man. He has a wonderful spirit, and the crazy thing is the older he gets the more he looks like my brother. When Ethan got up to speak I’m not going to lie the kids were a little talkative. But when he started speaking, tears came to my eyes. Not only was my heart overjoyed and proud to see my cousin who I have now adopted as my brother up giving his testimony but the words he said brought life to my soul. You see, Ethan got saved at Allen and Justin’s funeral. He began to say how he lost a dear friend and cousin who he looked up to very much. He shared how He made the decision to follow Christ at that moment. All this time and I never had a clue his very soul was saved because of my brothers’ life and then death! I know that if Allen could go back in time and do it all over again, even just for one more to be added to the Kingdom of heaven, He would! That’s what it’s all about. Getting souls to Heaven how ever they have to get there! Just like I have spoke about how fast this summer goes by, life goes by just that fast! We have to hurry and use every moment!
As the trip ended we flew back to Orlando. Back to AIR CONDITION! YAY! We arrived and relaxed we were going to Disney world the next day! Just FYI I have a lot of very close cousins we are all seriously like brother and sister. I love them just like brothers and sister. There are 7 girls, Me, Megan, Lauren, Lindsay, Anna, Allie, Alivia, and now Jessica,(Allen’s wife, my sister in law) and there were three boys Allen (my brother) Ethan and Austin. Then Justin came along also. I don’t know what I would have done this past year with out them all! They have been amazing and have taken me in as their sister. Ethan, Allie, and Lindsay were all on this trip also. Right after Justin and I got engaged in 2007 Lauren, moved to Orlando, Fl. Lauren is a beautiful girl who has so much to offer this world. She and I were best friends! I love her with all my heart. Well after Lauren moved down there something click inside her heart. We drifted apart and although she was still in our wedding something wasn’t the same. After Lauren came home for the funeral she immediately went back to Orlando and I never heard from her. She moved back to Mobile in the fall but left unexpectedly again in October. That was the last time I had talked to her. She called me to tell me she was moving back and poured her heart out to me, we both cried and that was all. Well after many phone calls, emails and text messages; We were all finally reunited on this trip! Lauren finally agreed to meet up with us while we were in Orlando. She looked as beautiful as always and I was so excited to finally see my long lost best friend. It was just like old times we laughed, we hugged, we acted silly and simply enjoyed each others company! I don’t know what she will do in the future but I pray everyday for her that she will open her heart to God and let him lead her life 100%, I know He has something special for her. I know it’s so hard for us to trust him completely, but we have to.
To sum it up this trip was amazing and led by God and His spirit! Things happened on this trip that were indescribable but I know Gods foot prints were there. He led us down there, protected us while we were there, brought us back to the USA, took us to Lauren and led us back home safe and sound. I’m still every day in awe of Him!
We did a VBS and worked on a Church. The first day was a little crazy and the kids were pretty whelmed up to say the least. The next day we did VBS the kids responded great! We painted the outside of the church and bonded with the kids. This was the first trip I have ever been on where I could actually speak their language. I have a huge, special place in my heart for children maybe that’s why my degree is in elementary education! I have a heart for all kids and when I see one that is causing problems I like to try to find the good in them and bring that out. There was one little boy who was bothering a lot of the people while they were working, so I pulled him aside and said “Would you like to be my special helper?” he said “Oh Yeah!” with a big smile.. He followed me around with paint and a rag. He would wipe the paint that fell on the tile, for me and loved it! He felt important, he had a purpose, a job. He and I bonded and talked a lot. He was about 8 years old. He told me he had a lot of brothers and sisters.. then he told me his mother had a baby that came out dead! That’s how he said it. My heart immediately broke, because I know what it feels like to lose a sibling. This little boy ended up pouring out his little heart to me and telling me how his mother was sad. The next day I decided to let these little girls “plat my hair” this mean tiny braids that are all knotted up, that hurt like crazy!! Meanwhile, while this girl was braiding my hair she began to tell me how her sister died at the age of nine. Again I knew her pain… I told her about my brother and how he died. She said “oh girl, I’m so sorry” She may have been 11 years old. It’s funny how just when we think God is picking on us we encounter things like this. I many times feel like God decided to hurt “me” and “my family” then when I get out of my bubble I’m reminded that death is a part of life. My heart breaks for the mother who never got to hold her new born baby for a moment of its life here on earth. After a few days of moments like these the last day of VBS was my day to teach. I taught on Salvation. It was also my 16 yr old cousin, Ethan’s day to give his testimony and what a testimony he had! First of all I have to say Ethan is a great, handsome, young, Christian man. He has a wonderful spirit, and the crazy thing is the older he gets the more he looks like my brother. When Ethan got up to speak I’m not going to lie the kids were a little talkative. But when he started speaking, tears came to my eyes. Not only was my heart overjoyed and proud to see my cousin who I have now adopted as my brother up giving his testimony but the words he said brought life to my soul. You see, Ethan got saved at Allen and Justin’s funeral. He began to say how he lost a dear friend and cousin who he looked up to very much. He shared how He made the decision to follow Christ at that moment. All this time and I never had a clue his very soul was saved because of my brothers’ life and then death! I know that if Allen could go back in time and do it all over again, even just for one more to be added to the Kingdom of heaven, He would! That’s what it’s all about. Getting souls to Heaven how ever they have to get there! Just like I have spoke about how fast this summer goes by, life goes by just that fast! We have to hurry and use every moment!
As the trip ended we flew back to Orlando. Back to AIR CONDITION! YAY! We arrived and relaxed we were going to Disney world the next day! Just FYI I have a lot of very close cousins we are all seriously like brother and sister. I love them just like brothers and sister. There are 7 girls, Me, Megan, Lauren, Lindsay, Anna, Allie, Alivia, and now Jessica,(Allen’s wife, my sister in law) and there were three boys Allen (my brother) Ethan and Austin. Then Justin came along also. I don’t know what I would have done this past year with out them all! They have been amazing and have taken me in as their sister. Ethan, Allie, and Lindsay were all on this trip also. Right after Justin and I got engaged in 2007 Lauren, moved to Orlando, Fl. Lauren is a beautiful girl who has so much to offer this world. She and I were best friends! I love her with all my heart. Well after Lauren moved down there something click inside her heart. We drifted apart and although she was still in our wedding something wasn’t the same. After Lauren came home for the funeral she immediately went back to Orlando and I never heard from her. She moved back to Mobile in the fall but left unexpectedly again in October. That was the last time I had talked to her. She called me to tell me she was moving back and poured her heart out to me, we both cried and that was all. Well after many phone calls, emails and text messages; We were all finally reunited on this trip! Lauren finally agreed to meet up with us while we were in Orlando. She looked as beautiful as always and I was so excited to finally see my long lost best friend. It was just like old times we laughed, we hugged, we acted silly and simply enjoyed each others company! I don’t know what she will do in the future but I pray everyday for her that she will open her heart to God and let him lead her life 100%, I know He has something special for her. I know it’s so hard for us to trust him completely, but we have to.
To sum it up this trip was amazing and led by God and His spirit! Things happened on this trip that were indescribable but I know Gods foot prints were there. He led us down there, protected us while we were there, brought us back to the USA, took us to Lauren and led us back home safe and sound. I’m still every day in awe of Him!
May 30th
Wow! I can’t believe summer has come and gone so fast. Where did it go? School gets kicked off this week and once school starts the year seems to fly by! I have had an amazing summer. Its amazing how in the midst of our busy schedules, appointments, classes, stress and hurt God still manages to let us see the rays of sunshine, feel the warmth and embrace of his spirit, and smell his oh, so sweet aroma that covers this earth! I was blessed to take a few trips this summer that were amazing. I went on my first cruise at the beginning of the summer! My mother and father in law are great and were nice enough to take me. It was great! I have never laid out and ate so much in my life! It was a great time to bond and enjoy each others company. My sister in law Jenna is amazing!
A couple of weeks later, a day I dreaded for a year was quickly approaching. Like I said it’s amazing how fast time flies. It was May 30th. This is the year date of my husband and brothers deaths. Times like these you never know how you are going to feel or handle the situation. Although we know God can bring us through anything, our human flesh takes over sometimes and we just don’t know if we are going to make it another day. Thank God that He puts people in our life to carry and hold our hand every step of this crazy journey through life. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends a girl could ask for! As the date drew nearer, I had so many different emotions and feelings going on inside of my head and heart. At times I would feel so broken and tell myself “ok on that day I’m just going to sit in my room and cry all day.” Awful idea, I know. Other times I would tell myself I’m just going to be everyone’s support. This I have discovered is my weakness. I have the personality that I think I must “fix” everyone and help them. This can be great but when I don’t focus on letting “Leslie heal”, I’m of no use to any one else. But that was thought #2, I need to be home so I could be there for everyone else. Then thought #3 came in. I and my best friends would take a trip together. My parents didn’t like this idea very much because it started off with me and 3 girl friends wanting to go to Tennessee and camp in a tent! Well first of all we have no clue how to even put a tent up, secondly, we could get eaten by something or killed by someone and thirdly, my parents naturally dreaded me driving on the roads on May 30th. After some prayer and talking to my pastor, I decided a trip was exactly what I need! I had never taken a trip with just my friends all on our own. We left on Wednesday, May 27th and drove to Nashville, Tn. We got dressed, went out and saw Blake Shelton out!! We were like little girls having a crush on a silly boy band! We secretly took pictures and ended up talking to his best friend. We got up the next day went to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which in Justin’s words would have been “So Awesome!” He was a HUGE George Strait and Johnny Cash fan. They now are a huge part of my music collection. J We left from Nashville and drove to a little town called Benton, Tn. We stayed in the most beautiful cabin. I seriously could have stayed there forever. We were about 25 minutes from the Ocoee. So we drove up and went mountain biking in the national forest, kayaking on the Ocoee Lake and the last day (May 30th) rafted down the Ocoee! I loved every minute of it! The last time I went rafting down the Ocoee I was with Justin and the time before that I was with Allen. I can’t begin to put into words the peace God allows us to have at times, but it was as if they were there with me, having a blast. I can so vividly picture them laughing trying to throw me in the river. It seemed just when I was about to have a melt down I could here their voices saying “Leslie we taught you how to have fun! We taught you how to laugh and enjoy life, so enjoy it! Its okay to smile today, it’s okay to be simply okay and happy!” I will never forget that day and the words I know God allowed my spirit to hear. I had a peace I can’t describe. God also placed great Christian friends in my life, Amber and Natalie you girls were troopers! Thank you so much for going with me! God knows what we need and He knows when we need it. His timing is perfect! After all He invented time! Needless to say a weekend that I dreaded turned out to be the most amazing, life changing weekend! We were surrounded by Gods beautiful creation and nature. A wonderful past teacher used to tell me “Everything in the Natural reflects the spiritual and everything in the spiritual reflects the natural” This is so true. The mountains, the river, the trees, the lake, the animals all reflect God and his perfection! If you ever have a chance to just take in His creation I promise it can be life changing! Now because of Gods grace me and my friends can’t wait to take our now annual trip to the mountains! God can take so much bad and make it so wonderful; we just have to let him! He taught me that although it was hard and terrible, He brought me though this past year and if I can make it this far there is hope I can make it in the future!
*Jeremiah 29:11* “For I know the plan I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” I hold true to these words!
Thanks Jerry!
A couple of weeks later, a day I dreaded for a year was quickly approaching. Like I said it’s amazing how fast time flies. It was May 30th. This is the year date of my husband and brothers deaths. Times like these you never know how you are going to feel or handle the situation. Although we know God can bring us through anything, our human flesh takes over sometimes and we just don’t know if we are going to make it another day. Thank God that He puts people in our life to carry and hold our hand every step of this crazy journey through life. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends a girl could ask for! As the date drew nearer, I had so many different emotions and feelings going on inside of my head and heart. At times I would feel so broken and tell myself “ok on that day I’m just going to sit in my room and cry all day.” Awful idea, I know. Other times I would tell myself I’m just going to be everyone’s support. This I have discovered is my weakness. I have the personality that I think I must “fix” everyone and help them. This can be great but when I don’t focus on letting “Leslie heal”, I’m of no use to any one else. But that was thought #2, I need to be home so I could be there for everyone else. Then thought #3 came in. I and my best friends would take a trip together. My parents didn’t like this idea very much because it started off with me and 3 girl friends wanting to go to Tennessee and camp in a tent! Well first of all we have no clue how to even put a tent up, secondly, we could get eaten by something or killed by someone and thirdly, my parents naturally dreaded me driving on the roads on May 30th. After some prayer and talking to my pastor, I decided a trip was exactly what I need! I had never taken a trip with just my friends all on our own. We left on Wednesday, May 27th and drove to Nashville, Tn. We got dressed, went out and saw Blake Shelton out!! We were like little girls having a crush on a silly boy band! We secretly took pictures and ended up talking to his best friend. We got up the next day went to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which in Justin’s words would have been “So Awesome!” He was a HUGE George Strait and Johnny Cash fan. They now are a huge part of my music collection. J We left from Nashville and drove to a little town called Benton, Tn. We stayed in the most beautiful cabin. I seriously could have stayed there forever. We were about 25 minutes from the Ocoee. So we drove up and went mountain biking in the national forest, kayaking on the Ocoee Lake and the last day (May 30th) rafted down the Ocoee! I loved every minute of it! The last time I went rafting down the Ocoee I was with Justin and the time before that I was with Allen. I can’t begin to put into words the peace God allows us to have at times, but it was as if they were there with me, having a blast. I can so vividly picture them laughing trying to throw me in the river. It seemed just when I was about to have a melt down I could here their voices saying “Leslie we taught you how to have fun! We taught you how to laugh and enjoy life, so enjoy it! Its okay to smile today, it’s okay to be simply okay and happy!” I will never forget that day and the words I know God allowed my spirit to hear. I had a peace I can’t describe. God also placed great Christian friends in my life, Amber and Natalie you girls were troopers! Thank you so much for going with me! God knows what we need and He knows when we need it. His timing is perfect! After all He invented time! Needless to say a weekend that I dreaded turned out to be the most amazing, life changing weekend! We were surrounded by Gods beautiful creation and nature. A wonderful past teacher used to tell me “Everything in the Natural reflects the spiritual and everything in the spiritual reflects the natural” This is so true. The mountains, the river, the trees, the lake, the animals all reflect God and his perfection! If you ever have a chance to just take in His creation I promise it can be life changing! Now because of Gods grace me and my friends can’t wait to take our now annual trip to the mountains! God can take so much bad and make it so wonderful; we just have to let him! He taught me that although it was hard and terrible, He brought me though this past year and if I can make it this far there is hope I can make it in the future!
*Jeremiah 29:11* “For I know the plan I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” I hold true to these words!
Thanks Jerry!
Friday, August 7, 2009
background info
I am a child of God and I love my family so much. I attend the most wonderful church, Pathway Church. My name is Leslie. I was married on March 15, 2008 to the man I prayed for my entire life. On May 30, 2008 my life was changed forever. My wonderful husband and brother were taken to be with the Lord on their way home in a car accident. I have questioned God, and I have found in His word that we are not ever going to undestand his ways, if we did then He would not be so great, He would not be GOD. Through my husband and brothers death lives have forever been changed. Their lives have been a testimony to more than we will ever know. They are continuing to change peoples lives even through their death.I pray for everyone that has yet to be changed. The prayer I have for everyone is that we first realize who our creator, and savior is. I pray that we realize that there is a God that loves everyone beyond all comprehension, and is there just waiting with open arms to hold us and help us through this journey called life. I pray that we realize we must seek after Him, seek after His heart, and try to think like God and love like God. I lastly pray that we have eternal thinking, meaning, that we realize the only things that matter are the things that will further the kingdom of God. The one thing that matters more than anything else in this world is that we make it to the Lords eternal kingdom. We must open our eyes and realize Heaven and Hell are REAL places. We must not stop, we must not be silent, we must run the race and lay it all on the line for the Lord. I never in a million years would believe that I would have to go through something like this; but there is a God that gives me the peace that passeth all understanding, there is God that gives me the strength to make it through just one more day and there is a God that can love me even more than my own wonderful husband ever could. I know I have a prupose on this earth. Justin and I had so many plans for our lives, we were so happy and in Gods will. So why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? I guess it's who are you saying the bad thing happened to? because Justin and Allen did not have something "bad" happen to them, they entered eternal life, paradise! That is where the eternal thinking comes in to play.I feel as though God has taken my life out from under me,but I have found that just as the Bible says "we make our plans but God directs our footsteps" "this life is really not our own to plan". I was and have now more than ever, submitted to God, my calling is to be open to His perfect calling on my life, whatever it is,where ever it is!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
food for thought
Today I had the opportunity to spend the entire day on the beach alone. I can only remember one other time that i have ever really gone to the beach and laid out all alone. I was able to watch the waves come in and crash on the shore and look up at the beautiful clear sky. I also saw a crazy woman running up and down the beach yelling "Everyone out of the water! There is a 6 foot shark in the water!!" it was comical to me because of course there are sharks in the water, it’s the ocean. As far as I could see everyone was running out of the water onto the beach bc of this woman... sad day for the people who don’t get to go to the beach all the time.
any ways. It may just be me, but in my Christian walk I have good and bad days. I have days where I have never been so close to God and I feel like he is attached at my hip but then I also have days that I have never felt so far from God, where I feel like I could pray one minute and do something so ungodly the next. (these times scare me)...Its amazing to me how sometimes when we just simply get away from life everything seems to become so clear! My head drives me crazy because it never shuts up! Today and the past few days I have felt Gods presence surrounding me more than I have in a while. The sad fact is, He hasn’t changed He has always been there, I just get my mind all clouded up. I have been struggling over a year now with the entire concept of "why am I still here.. What is my purpose" Tonight as I was coming home.. I looked up at the stars that like I do many nights.. and Every time I look up I can’t help but wonder how far "they" are from me. I can’t help but question everything that exists as I know it. I cant help but question everything from beginning to end, known and unknown.. Maybe I should not be admitting all of this but I feel there are many other people that do the exact same thing. As I question I begin to feel bad for second guessing everything, but then I realize God created us to wonder and question and that very fact that I was "created" is answer enough to so many of my questions..
I have realized more than ever in the last year that as much as I wish I could get in some peoples hearts and let them feel what I feel sometimes, just so they can value there God given life, I simply cant. There is not another person in this world that looks at the sky and wonders where exactly are they,, how many miles, how many layers of atmospheres and how many galaxies, or how many light years are they away.???? These questions I wonder daily and daily I still can not comprehend all of Gods creation. Daily I’m still told "no you cant see them yet.”. I never would have believed I would wake up and think "will I get to see them today? will today be the day?" but I do.. I can’t help it. I think about it so much that I even forget sometime that I must die to see them... I know this is all crazy but what I have realized is that this thinking of "will today be the day?" should be all of our mind sets.. but the sad fact remains that it isn’t. Life comes in and we get distracted .. and as much as I can will it and want someone to understand me they simply can not because they have not faced what I have faced. One of the hardest things for me through the healing process is that I find myself not being able to understand most people my own age. This is simply because of what I have been through. Many 22 year olds think of themselves as kids including many of my friends, where as I am a widow.. something you think of more for an 80 year old woman. I have a hard time with this and understanding God.. its seems so unfair to me.. A fav song of mine states…”I made you promises a thousand times, I try to hear from heaven but I talk the whole time, I think I made you too small, I never feared you at all, if you touched my face would I know you. Looked into my eyes could I behold you? What do I know of you, who spoke me into motion, where have I even stood, but the shore along your ocean, are you fire are furry? are you sacred? Are you beautiful? So what do I know, what do I know of wholly?” This song is truly how I feel.. I thought I had God somewhat figured out but now I realize I could NEVER come close to figuring Him out. I can never go back to that care free part of my life. Beth Moore said something the other day that really hit home with me.. she said "You can not amputate your history from your destiny" I catch myself wanting to be able to be care free and a "kid" again sometimes.. but then I realize, that is not me, I cant try to pretend I haven’t been dealt the life I have and that I am simply normal... I have to realize that my history the story of my husband and my brother is now my story.. I cant run from it, I cant keep thinking I’m going to wake up and this is all going to have been a dream.. I feel it is my duty and the least I can do to use my history "their" history to fulfill my destiny.. Just food for thought, what is your history that will lead you to your destiny
any ways. It may just be me, but in my Christian walk I have good and bad days. I have days where I have never been so close to God and I feel like he is attached at my hip but then I also have days that I have never felt so far from God, where I feel like I could pray one minute and do something so ungodly the next. (these times scare me)...Its amazing to me how sometimes when we just simply get away from life everything seems to become so clear! My head drives me crazy because it never shuts up! Today and the past few days I have felt Gods presence surrounding me more than I have in a while. The sad fact is, He hasn’t changed He has always been there, I just get my mind all clouded up. I have been struggling over a year now with the entire concept of "why am I still here.. What is my purpose" Tonight as I was coming home.. I looked up at the stars that like I do many nights.. and Every time I look up I can’t help but wonder how far "they" are from me. I can’t help but question everything that exists as I know it. I cant help but question everything from beginning to end, known and unknown.. Maybe I should not be admitting all of this but I feel there are many other people that do the exact same thing. As I question I begin to feel bad for second guessing everything, but then I realize God created us to wonder and question and that very fact that I was "created" is answer enough to so many of my questions..
I have realized more than ever in the last year that as much as I wish I could get in some peoples hearts and let them feel what I feel sometimes, just so they can value there God given life, I simply cant. There is not another person in this world that looks at the sky and wonders where exactly are they,, how many miles, how many layers of atmospheres and how many galaxies, or how many light years are they away.???? These questions I wonder daily and daily I still can not comprehend all of Gods creation. Daily I’m still told "no you cant see them yet.”. I never would have believed I would wake up and think "will I get to see them today? will today be the day?" but I do.. I can’t help it. I think about it so much that I even forget sometime that I must die to see them... I know this is all crazy but what I have realized is that this thinking of "will today be the day?" should be all of our mind sets.. but the sad fact remains that it isn’t. Life comes in and we get distracted .. and as much as I can will it and want someone to understand me they simply can not because they have not faced what I have faced. One of the hardest things for me through the healing process is that I find myself not being able to understand most people my own age. This is simply because of what I have been through. Many 22 year olds think of themselves as kids including many of my friends, where as I am a widow.. something you think of more for an 80 year old woman. I have a hard time with this and understanding God.. its seems so unfair to me.. A fav song of mine states…”I made you promises a thousand times, I try to hear from heaven but I talk the whole time, I think I made you too small, I never feared you at all, if you touched my face would I know you. Looked into my eyes could I behold you? What do I know of you, who spoke me into motion, where have I even stood, but the shore along your ocean, are you fire are furry? are you sacred? Are you beautiful? So what do I know, what do I know of wholly?” This song is truly how I feel.. I thought I had God somewhat figured out but now I realize I could NEVER come close to figuring Him out. I can never go back to that care free part of my life. Beth Moore said something the other day that really hit home with me.. she said "You can not amputate your history from your destiny" I catch myself wanting to be able to be care free and a "kid" again sometimes.. but then I realize, that is not me, I cant try to pretend I haven’t been dealt the life I have and that I am simply normal... I have to realize that my history the story of my husband and my brother is now my story.. I cant run from it, I cant keep thinking I’m going to wake up and this is all going to have been a dream.. I feel it is my duty and the least I can do to use my history "their" history to fulfill my destiny.. Just food for thought, what is your history that will lead you to your destiny
Monday, July 13, 2009
intro.
Hey! This is my first time to blog! There are three things to know about me; 1.I love God number 2. I love my family 3 life has thrown me a curve ball and Im trying to get back in the game.! I hope you all have a great rest of the day and try to stay cool in these awful hot, but wonderful summer days! :-)
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